Ask Yourself This Question Every Day, And Your Life Will Change
Asking yourself the question “what do I really want?” will at the same time set you free and scare you to bits. But the answer will change your life.
Once you know what you truly, truly want in life, there’s no going back to before you knew. Little thoughts will pop up, new ideas will come about how it could happen, and in the end, you have to act.
It’s a potent question because it lifts you up over the many jobs, chores, small goals, problems and challenges you have on a daily basis. This question speaks to the part of you that usually don’t get heard. It speaks to the voice deep inside that you hold down because listening to it might mean having to make changes. And change is scary.
Handing this question over to your subconscious mind only requires trust. All you have to do is to ask yourself the question every day and then let it go. That’s how kaizen philosophy of asking small questions work.
How asking this question will change your life
Your brain loves questions and it works like your own personal Google search. But the trick is to ask yourself (your subconscious mind) the same question over and over and WAIT for the answer. Patiently.
You ask the question “what do I really want?” 1-3 times a day and then let it go. Maybe once in the morning and before you go to sleep. Don’t force an answer to come. Simply ask the question in a kind and curious spirit. Then wait.
Our subconscious mind will get to work because it naturally needs a goal or a target. You feed the question and it will search the answer from everything you are inside.
It’s impossible to know how long it’ll take before you get the answer. Days, weeks, months. You can’t know, just let your subconscious do its magic and don’t rush the answer. But ask yourself this question every day, and your life will change.
You can ask the question with different intentions.
What do you really want to work with?
What do I want in life?
What do I really want from a relationship?
Or the question that leaves you most open: What do I really want?
Whatever one you pick, pick only ONE.
This is the only way this’ll work. You must ask your subconscious the same question every day. Not 3 different ones.
Why I LOVE this question and think it’s powerful is that it takes control and pressure off you and invites a slower but true life. If you’re willing to spend 5 minutes a day slowing down to ask yourself what you really want you’re being kind and respectful to the most important person in your life: YOU!
In my resource library, there’s a simple download to help you remember to spend the 5 minutes on yourself.
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The answer I got.
When I trained as a kaizen-muse creativity coach, I discovered I was a perfectionist. This came as a bit of shock to me as I at the time thought being a perfectionist was something about wearing makeup, looking immaculate and polished and having a perfect home. As that’s not me and how I live I didn’t think perfectionism was one thing I had to work on. Not so!
A perfectionist is someone who has such high and unrealistic expectations of oneself and others to hide the fear of not being good enough. It’s all-or-nothing thinking. It’s joyless striving to cover up shame, feeling vulnerable and inadequate. It’s a wall you hide behind in fear of what others think of you.
Perfectionism is not having healthy ambitions and wanting to do well.
This discovery for me was not good because it sucks, but also a relief because now I could start recovery.
When I had to start practice coaching with my fellow coach trainees, my perfectionism went into overdrive as I expected myself to be on a coach experience 10 when I was a new beginner on level 1. A typical perfectionist expectation.
And this is what my good friend and fellow coach Kristen asked me in a practice coaching session we had:
“What does good enough feel like?”
This question stopped me in my track and I didn’t have an answer. It had never entered my mind to do something “just good enough”.
But on Kristen’s gentle advice, I kept asking myself the question and after a couple of weeks the answer came to me while doing the dishes:
Good enough felt to me like being my own best friend and giving myself a hug.
I’ll never forget it. The answer came to me like a flash and I got this image in my head accompanied with a feeling of my body relaxing.
I remember the feeling I got and thinking this kaizen-business really works! Has my life changed because of this question? Yes, and it’s a gift that keeps giving. I am still working on my recovery from perfectionism and I know what being good enough feels like. What a huge gift.