What I did to calm my fear


During the training to become a Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coach we have to practice coaching each other (and others).

Both one on one, but also in a group where I had to coach one of my fellow trainees while all the others were listening.

Writing this now, it doesn't seem like such a big deal, but trust me, my perfectionism, overwhelm and negative self-talk went into overdrive!

I managed to get myself into such a state of mental drama the whole week before when I might be called upon, that my hubby in the end told me to calm down. I was a mess.

Luckily, I realized this is no way to be and I actually got fed up feeling nervous.

So, I started asking my self; what for? What is it really I am so afraid of?

And my good self-talk voice got louder.

It went something like this in my head:

Negative self talk: "I'm not going to be a perfect coach in this practice lab."

Good self-talk: "I am not even SUPPOSED to be a GOOD coach in this practice lab. It is PRACTICE and we have all the permission in the world to make mistakes, be crappy, all over the place, ask for help - you name it."

"And I am in a group of incredible and supportive women, who are all beginners, like me."

I said these things out loud to myself and repeated them.

Fear : "I'm afraid of coaching in a group"

Good self-talk: "It is NORMAL to feel fear. That's ok. Try allowing yourself to be a beginner. You have permission to make mistakes.  You are just learning this. It's NORMAL to forget and be unsure. You will be fine"

...and so on. In the end, my good self-talk became louder than my negative self-talk and she got so brave that she told the negative voice to go and sit in a corner on a chair and read a book! Time out!

What also helped was asking the questions (thanks to Master coach Dawnbob):

How can I make this part of the coaching Lab easier for me?

How can I lower the pressure, lower expectations of myself?

The brain cannot reject a question and so even though I didn't come up with answers right away, these questions made a big difference.

How could I lower the pressure?

By being kind to myself. By being ok with being me. By accepting that I am a beginner at this.

So did it calm my fear?

I am happy to say that after working on my fear for a week, I was able to show up to the practice lab (practically) free of nerves and I was able to enjoy the experience of coaching one of my fellow student with the rest of them present.

I did fine and more importantly, I hadn't wasted a whole week being in a mental drama state about something that I couldn't "fail at" anyway.

What a result! It works. This coaching works: Self-compassion, lowering expectations, awareness, asking questions and some good self-talk.

(Ahhh, deep breath)

Honestly, I recommend it. (And if you ever feel like you'd like help with blocks of perfectionism and/or fear  about something - you know where I am ;-) )

Good-enough Kaizen Muse Creativity Coach in-training